Using the Good Crystal
Our family has been on this journey with dementia for more than a decade.
Our father had vascular dementia and died in 2016. Soon afterward, we moved our mother into independent living, where she enjoyed eight wonderful years of family dinners, celebrations, outings, travel and the community activities she loved. In her final year, Alzheimer's caught up with her and she moved into memory care. It was, and still is, difficult to watch her slow decline.
Before she moved, we celebrated Mom's 91st birthday with cake and champagne. Someone brought plastic glasses, and I said, "No. We're using the Waterford crystal."
My mother bought those crystal glasses after us kids had all left home. Somehow, they had become part of every family celebration, and this one deserved nothing less. Dementia had already taken so much. There was no reason to let it take our traditions too.
During the past five years, our oldest sister and our youngest brother have also developed dementia. One now lives in memory care and the other in independent living. Each experiences dementia differently, and each continues to teach us new ways of connecting.
Recently, we've started doing puzzles together. Some have only 16 pieces; others have as many as 300. They give everyone a way to participate. Even when someone can't fit two pieces together, we can still work side by side. We talk about the picture, notice tiny details, compare colours and celebrate each piece that finds its place. We laugh. Sometimes we leave feeling as though we actually did something together. Sometimes we simply leave knowing we enjoyed each other's company. Both are enough.
We're fortunate to have a large family. This journey continues to be challenging, but it has also drawn us closer together. Four of us now support our mother, our sister and our brother.
It's a long road. My sister and I attend a dementia support group, and all four of us are continually learning; not only how to care for those we love, but also how to care for ourselves and reduce our own risk.
We don't know where this journey will lead. What we do know is this: after more than ten years, we've learned that we don't have to know every step ahead. We only have to meet the next one. We keep showing up for one another, finding new ways to connect, and discovering that love is more adaptable than we ever imagined.